New Story Examples
Turning Your Old Stories Around
There are three P's of negative thought patterns, commonly known as 'explanatory styles'. By being aware of them, and reshaping your new stories to avoid these three P's, you're already well on your way to more empowering and resilient thoughts.
We've also included a number of Old Story/New Story examples below so you can get a better idea of what this practice looks in action.
Permanence
A pessimist tends to think negatives will last forever, and on the flip side that the positives are temporary. Let's use the example of a swimmer. If he has a bad practice session, he might think "I'm a terrible swimmer and always will be. I might as well give up now". An optimist with the same bad practice session will tend to think "Oh that was a bad one. I'll have to ask my coach what I can do to improve".
To keep your thoughts on the positive side, view your negatives as temporary setbacks and things you can overcome.
Pervasiveness
Another common negative thought pattern is to generalize and globalize bad things. Say you said something stupid at a party. A negative thought pattern would be to think "I'm so stupid. I always do this. I'm just a stupid person". The more resilient thought pattern? "Whoops! That was embarrassing. I said something pretty silly. Oh well, it can happen."
Personalization
This is a tendency to think everything is your fault. If a friend cancels on coffee, the negative explanatory style may be "she must not have wanted to have coffee with me", or "I must not have confirmed in time and she cancelled because of it". A positive thought pattern around the same scenario would sound like this, "Oh Sally had to cancel, what a shame. I hope she sorts out what ever it is she had to do".
Old Story
My old story was I was failing because I was still exchanging my time for money. My old story was I was going to remain in the 'busy' trap and never work towards something smarter/bigger picture/scalable.
New Story
My new story is I'm aware of it, which is half the battle. It's up to me now to build more time into my week to work on the big picture stuff. It's as simple as that. Now I just have to do it!
Old Story
My old story was I was faking it in this community of business bad-asses. That I would soon be 'found out' when I failed. That I wasn't up to their level or the sort of person that could fit in with them.
New Story
My new story is I am one of them. This includes failing, Impostor Syndrome and learning in business. It's all part of it. That's the whole point of the community, so we can all do it together. So with that in mind, I am 100% one of them.
Old Story
My old story was getting close to people sucked and was something to be avoided because I ended up needing and relying on them, which meant I couldn't be responsible for my own happiness. And it would hurt when they went away.
New Story
My new story is these incredible relationships I've been so blessed to have in my life are 100% worth the momentary discomfort when we temporarily part ways. They color my life, make me stronger and happier n the long run.
Old Story
My old story was that I was soooo sick that everything had to some to a halt. My old story was it as OK to let my standards slip because I was sick. It was OK to let go of some of my integrity and have that extra piece of cake 'because I was sick'. That I deserved to let go of my standards fro a bit because I was sick.
New Story
My new story is I am and can be king to myself while I'm sick, for sure. BUT I can also do a lot to lessen the severity - like go straight to the doctor, take painkillers and get no with my day (at a slower, more relaxed pace). I'm not the kind of person that lets getting sick be an excuse for letting my standards and integrity slip.
Old Story
My old story was that I had to represent someone if I was dating them, or that they had to represent me. Their actions past or present reflected on me and I had to be ok with all of them to be ok with dating them.
New Story
My new story is I'm dating a complex imperfect human being with past and future mistakes. We're all on this journey together, and I take in their actions with non-judgement and curiosity instead.
Old Story
My old story was that my friend who's visiting must be having a terrible time because she's being quiet.
New Story
My new story is she could be perfectly comfortable, I don't know. If I do have concerns I need to ask her to determine what the truth actually is. And she's probably just making herself at home. I'll only know if I communicate with her about it.
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